“I met a stranger in the night whose light had ceased to shine; I paused and let him light his lamp from mine. A tempest sprung up later on and shook the world about, and when the wind was gone my lamp was out. But back he came to me the stronger; his lamp was glowing fine. He held the precious flame, and lighted mine.” Lon Woodrum
Do you ever have moments in your life where you help others? Are there moments when others help you? I would hope you can answer yes to both questions. But, are you equally open to both opportunities? Sadly, I’m not, though I’m trying to be better. While this may seem a little backwards, I’m perfectly fine with helping others. I love it. I live for it. But I don’t like getting help. Ask if I need a favor, a meal, a break, give me a compliment or try to make my life easier, especially when I really need it, and I cringe uncomfortably and try to insist I’m fine. I know, it’s pathetic. It’s a pride issue, and it’s taking a lot longer than I thought it would to go away. Still, while I am working on it, it’s hard. Really hard.
I HATE double standards. I think the reason I hate them so much is because I set them for myself all the time. When I think of a way to help someone else, I never assume they’re stupid for not having figured everything out already. I don’t mock them for struggling with life. Instead I simply remind them that it’s a fact of life that we aren’t supposed to be perfect yet, that we won’t be perfect for a long time, and that we need to take things one day at a time. They’ll figure it out. They’re doing better than they think they are.
Well, I’m a balcony dweller. Why? Because when life gets hard, when my lamp is running low, I don’t look around to see if anyone I know can help me re-light my lamp. I don’t want to be a burden to them. So, after living in my apartment for 3 years, I’ve developed a habit of going out on the balcony to try and sort out my problems on my own. On multiple occasions, I have cried buckets and tears, pouring my heart out to God and asking why I’m not perfect yet. On one occasion about two years ago, I remember a roommate asking if I needed help. I told her I needed to figure it out on my own. And then I cried to the Lord and told him repeatedly, “I can’t do this alone.”
Suddenly I realized how stupid I’d been. I didn’t have to do it alone. My roommate had just offered to help! Even more importantly, however, I kept telling God that I was alone, and ignoring the fact that I was talking to him. He never once left me, and he never will. I simply needed to accept that he was there.
Works are great. Faith without works is dead, after all (James 2:17). But I was relying too much on my own works, when I should have remembered that life isn’t meant to be endured alone. That is why we have families. Friends, leaders, roommates, and many others can influence us as well. We can all help each other’s lights stay bright and shine in the darkness that surrounds the world today.
“Why do we listen to those that tear us down, but not those that lift us up?” I heard this question yesterday afternoon in Elder Vern P. Stanfill’s General Conference address, “Choose the Light.” It hit me hard, not because I am surrounded by terrible people that tear me down and try to change my beliefs, but because I was the one tearing myself down, telling myself I wasn’t good enough, and that I never would be. It’s hard to fight against other people. It’s even harder to fight against yourself.
I talked with my best friend this last week and wrote her a letter, telling her to stop being so hard on herself, that she was doing better than she thought. When giving it to her, however, I asked her to let me make a copy of the letter. Why? Because I knew the words I had felt inspired to say were words I needed to hear just as much as she did.
Obviously, my letter to my friend (and to myself) wasn’t enough, because God asked his Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, to talk about it again. Maybe he knew I’d forget the validity of my own remarks, or maybe he knew I wouldn’t fight it if it came from his servant. Quite possibly, he did it simply because he could, and he loves me. President Monson talked about letting our light shine (Matthew 5:16) and being an example to all those around us. This is something I can do, I thought. Once again, I was forgetting that we’re not supposed to do it alone. But I can’t be an example to others. Not until I believe in myself, my thoughts continued. But how do I do that? Well, by remembering that God believes in me. As I worried about this during his talk, he quoted this scripture: “be believing, and all things shall work together for your good” (Doctrine and Covenants 90:24). As one of my Italian professors shows us how to break down sentences, she always says we need to begin by reading and understanding. Well, I did that with this scripture. Then we look for a verb. Believe. Got it. Next we need to find a subject. Me. Implied. I need to believe. What’s so hard about that? I need to imply one more thing to this scripture, what I believe in. I believe in my Heavenly Father. I believe in Jesus Christ. I know he is my Savior, that he suffered for me, that he loves me with an incomprehensible love, and that he will always be there for me. What lack I yet? A consistently strong understanding that I need to believe in myself – believe that I have a light to shine and that I am worth the Savior’s suffering. He thought so. So what am I waiting for?
I love President Monson, and I loved his talk today. The poem I began with was shared at the end of his talk. We aren’t supposed to make it through life alone. We need to help each other. All of us will run low every now and then and need help from others. Whether it’s through a priesthood blessing, a hug, a meal, or just being willing to listen, everyone needs help, even if (like me), they have a hard time admitting it. And, it isn’t usually because they don’t think you’re capable of helping them. Rather, it’s that they don’t think they’re deserving of that help. Prove them wrong.
While talking about lights and the gospel and being an example, one of my favorite hymns came to mind. It’s usually sung by the men, but I love it anyway.
Brightly beams our Father’s mercy from his lighthouse evermore,
But to us he gives the keeping of the lights along the shore.
Let the lower lights be burning; send a gleam across the wave.
Some poor fainting, struggling seaman you may rescue, you may save.
Don’t get discouraged when you see others around you and you can see their light, but not your own. They see yours. And it isn’t a competition. You’re both there to help others find the way to Christ. And you’re both there to help each other. Let your light burn and help those around you. And always remember that you’re never alone and that even when tempests come and shake the world about, that Christ will come, his lamp ablaze, to chase away your doubts. Let your light shine!
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